Blue Light Laughs.....Send in you Jokes
The New Zoo Keeper
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.Realising his employer wont be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them! into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"
(Wait for it!!)....
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."
I went to the cemetery to put some flowers down the other day.
I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin.
Three hours go by, and they are still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, those daft wotsits have lost the plot.
An Essex girl is injured in a motor accident, and a passer-by notices that there is a small pool of what appears to be blood near her head. He doesn't want to move her, as he isn't trained in first-aid, but he calls the ambulance.
When the driver arrives, he goes up to the girl and asks:
"Where are you bleeding from?"
The injured girl replies
"I'm from bleeding Romford - where you bleeding from?"
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